


On The 5

by LeafyGreenQueen773



Series: NaNoWriMo 2018 [4]
Category: Avengers: Infinity War - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, Gen, Nostalgia, POV Tony Stark, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Precious Peter Parker, Tony Feels Guilty, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 03:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16778815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeafyGreenQueen773/pseuds/LeafyGreenQueen773
Summary: Tony gets drunk to remember Peter, the closest thing he ever had to a son.





	On The 5

**Author's Note:**

> This happened, and I'm sorry for the feels. I needed to bang out another few hundred words for NaNoWriMo, and I was feeling inspired by the song "On the 5" by Winnetka Bowling League, and this nostalgic, sad story just fell out of me.
> 
> I love comments. Please let me know if this made you feel things.

When Tony sits alone in his penthouse, with a moist glass of whiskey in his hand, and a slow buzz ringing in his ears, he thinks of brown fluffy hair, and crinkles at the edges of eyes, and smooth pale skin and shy mannerisms. He thinks of Peter.

Before everything went away, they had each other. They had the summer after Peter's sophomore year in high school, when Tony offered to drive Peter out to see some colleges on the west coast. It was the least he could do, he told himself. He was being nice. He was doing what any mentor would do.

It was pretty fucking naive of himself, Tony thinks now, not to see how much he thought of Peter as a son, even then. How much he wanted to almost adopt the kid, and make him like his own. To recall the way that he'd told Pepper of his dream, that they had a child, and then he'd promptly lost Peter, the closest thing to it – Tony takes a swig of his drink. It's too painful.

For some people, the memories get fuzzier with alcohol. But for Tony, they seem to refine themselves, to become crisp and three-dimensional. Without drinking, he feels the pain of remembering, more than anything. He just feels like he should have disintegrated in Peter's place. Or maybe with Peter, even. He loves Pepper, doesn't want to leave her, but Tony can't fathom that anything in his life could hurt worse than feeling the kid become less and less substantial in his arms, until he blew away into dust. Watching Peter's eyes resign themselves to their fate and look away – the image still makes Tony want to be sick.

When he drowns himself in liquor, the pain of it dulls. Then some of the good times come back.

He thinks of that summer on the west coast.

Nothing of the kid is allowed to escape him. Tony closes his eyes and tries to remember every single detail of Peter's face, every word he ever said. He comes up, whether Tony wants him to or not, so he might as well remember him right. Tony's lips ghost over Peter's common phrases, the kind of stuttering manner that the kid had when they first met, even though he's certain that the road trip cured him of some of it. He recalls how Peter's shyness went away when they played card games and Yahtzee late into the night, staying at roadside motels. Motels fit better than Tony's standard four-star because Peter was more comfortable in them. And they stayed more incognito. Nobody expected Tony Stark to check into a one-star place with a sixteen-year-old in tow and only a backpack each to their names.

They'd taken an unexpected car, too – a Subaru from the 90s – with window cranks instead of buttons, and Tony remembers how Peter broke the crank off the door because his strength still sometimes got the better of him. He doesn't want to forget the way that Peter stared, wide-eyed, at the busted crank in his hand, unsure of what to do, until Tony ruffled his hair and refused to get angry because what was the point anyway? And Tony didn't think that Peter's Aunt May was very quick to anger, but perhaps the kid had thought that Tony might care more about keeping up appearances and leaving the rental car better than they found it.

Tony smiles in his chair and raises the glass to his lips again, getting more ice now than anything else. He hopes that Peter learned, before he left, that Tony mostly cared about making Peter happy.

Certainly he'd done something for Peter which he was hard-pressed to do with anyone else: listen to other types of music. He'd been adamant about listening to the Beatles' _Revolver_ album on tape, whereas Peter pulled up The Beach Boys' _Pet Sounds_ record on his phone. They ended up listening to both, and then some, and Peter was constantly excitedly queuing up another hit that he needed Tony to listen to, and that in itself is something that Tony squeezes his eyes shut to remember. Peter excited. Peter happy. Peter eager to show Tony something. That Peter that didn't have anything more to worry about than college and low-stakes crime and getting the girl at school. Why did a teenager have to take on the universe's catastrophe and lose?

Tony breathes in and out slowly. His own heartbeat throbs in his chest, a constant, vivid reminder of being alive. Sometimes, when he's on a real bender, he wonders how many beats are left. Are there fewer to go than have already happened? Does he have less or more time than he wants?

In what moment did Peter's heart beat for the last time before it ceased to exist at all?

The pain of it is coming through and that means it's time for another generous pour. He expects the warm buzz to become looser and looser until he can barely recognize where he is. For now, he downs another sip, inching closer to that state of nothingness.


End file.
